Today was a day that I was suppose to attend an event with my dh but I didn't. He was very unhappy with me for not going so that we could all go as a family. It's the kind of event that requires (on my part) confidence, energy and being sociable and looking good. It's hard to feel all of those things when you are overweight. What was I going to wear? Seriously, my wardrobe consists of nothing but jogging pants of some sort, t-shirts, sneakers and church dresses. None of these things would have been appropriate. I haven't worn shorts in maybe 4-5 years. I'm going to show up for outdoor event in work out clothes? That's no way to climb the social ladder folks. There's a huge difference between the hot wife and the woman you are after you finally have stopped having kids and haven't gotten rid of the baby weight.
Let's face facts in social settings people talk. Most woman are critical and not only do they talk among themselves but they also talk with their husbands too. I didn't want to myself in that situation. People really start doing the math after you have a baby and how much weight they think you should have lost by now. Celebrities bring it to the front of magazines all the time. They just gave birth and two weeks later they are their prebaby weight.
People pass judgment and then they proceed to give advice on how you can fix what needs to be fixed. I've heard the people I love the most make comments about other people who are overweight. I have to wonder...what do they say about me?
There is no one more critical than that woman looking back at me in the mirror. My life is finally in a place where physical fitness is fitting in but I have a long way to go. So fess up! Have you ever hid out? Do you use that cute baby of yours as a distraction? Maybe you hide behind that baby? I do, especially in photos!
7 comments:
I guess I'm lucky not to be in circles where we have to climb a social ladder. My weight isn't where I want it to be, but I've never felt that I have to stay away from something because of it.
I agree with Linda. While my weight is not where I might want it, I don't feel pressure because of it. I have found that the people who criticize how people look are rarely worth the time.
I am not at the weight I'd like to be but don't that be a factor in what I do and where I go. Go out and get two outfits that fit! Keep the size below for when you are ready to get back into them! Once you are comfortable with yourself, the people around can say what they want and it won't phase you.
hmm - this is tough. I hate things that require I be in a bathing suit. But I realize that I often look better when I put on an air of confidence.
Even if I'm not feeling so confident. I just fake it and often feel it.
So last summer we joined the neighborhood pool where just about everyone I know goes. And then I bought a bikini bottom and forced myself to wear it right at the start.
When no one threw up, gave me funny looks or comments, I took that as a compliment. I covered up other days but I faced the worst and it wasn't so bad.
I understand. After I had Josh, I was the "fattest" in a group of beautiful skinny friends. Now that I'm "skinny", they're all having babies and I can admit a part of me was all like "YOUR TURN!"
That said, being overweight didn't stop me from attending functions. I just dressed as best I could. I'm the same with just having casual stuff, I find that there are good sundresses in lieu of nasty shorts that I could wear to those events.
I also made a choice. I chose to get thin. I tried TONS of things until something worked for me. That doesn't mean what worked for me would work for you, it's just what I happened to love and it helped me. We can figure this out together. You need to love yourself. I love you and I know you can get there.
I totally get what you're saying because I've been there. I'm still not a desirable weight, but now the kids are older I can make time to shop for flattering clothes. However, when the kids were babies, shopping was an ordeal. Those dressing room mirrors are even less complimentary with a whiny toddler!
Don't sweat what's past, but next time there's an invitation, make a shopping date with someone whose judgment you trust, and leave the kids at home. Find that flattering outfit that gives you the confidence to enjoy an outing!
I've learned a lot about clothes from watching What Not to Wear on TLC. love that show!
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